12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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