he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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