Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
