I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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