Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
