I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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