I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
