Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
