you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
