I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
