God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
