What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
