I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
