i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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