oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
