right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
