i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
