I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
