Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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