I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
