I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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