I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
