I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
