so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
