So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
