Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
