Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I should be sponsored by Trojan
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Randomize
