somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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