Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
