You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
