Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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