Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
