Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
