i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
