check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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