wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
