That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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