Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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