so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
