Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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