Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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