Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
