Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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