We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just threw up on my dentist
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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