I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
