My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
