My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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