I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
