Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
