Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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