I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
